Thanks for stopping by to go through this lesson.  So often we hear of those who want to tear down and destroy.  It seems that the news is full of destruction and wasting.  When it comes to your relationship with the man in your life whether he be a husband, friend, son or dad your man has needs.  As surprising as it may seem, his needs are pretty much universal.  When you understand what they are and how to build him up through them a great relationship will follow.  There is a study titled “Building Up the Lady in Your Life” for the guys.  Tell him about it ladies it can’t hurt to try!?  Having said that, let’s get started.


The Man in Your Life


“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. [19] And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. [20] And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. [21] And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; [22] And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:18-22 (KJV) 


God had a plan for happy fulfilling relationships between a man and a woman.  When we align ourselves with His plan great things can and will happen.  However, the reality of many, is that the opposite is playing itself out every day.  Unhappiness, discontentment, and down right hostility seems to be on the rise in many relationships.  Have you asked the question, “Why?”  There are answers, real answers to these and other questions.  Of course they lie in the truth. 


As we have seen, truth can be found from Gods’ word.  The passage above has many truths that have helped thousands to be free from anger and turbulent relationships.  In fact, there is a way to be happy and fulfilled for the rest of your life through these truths.  The basic answer seems to be in the fact that God made Adam and Eve a certain way. 


“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Genesis 1:27 (KJV)


 It is obvious that men and women are different.  He (man) was created in Gods’ image and therefore has some of the same characteristics and desires found in the nature of God.  You may not believe that right now but it is true.


Are there some things that you are struggling with in the relationship you have with your man?  If you would like to submit a prayer request we would love to pray for your specific situation.


Building Up Produces Happiness


“…. Let all things be done unto edifying.” 1 Cor. 14:26 (KJV) 


If you were going to build a house you would need some knowledge of construction so when you were finished it would be built properly.  The word edifying here has a specific definition that would be helpful here.  Edifying: Greek 1430 (doma); architecture, i.e. (concrete) a structure;  In other words, what we do needs to be done with building “upin mind.  Hence the title of this lesson “Building Up Your Man”.  Do you want to build up or tear down?  I think the answer is build up.  The reason is simple.  If everything around us was torn down, we would have nothing.  Prosperity and blessings come when we build.  Our nation is great because we are a people who build.  The same is true in your relationships.  Building up someone you love simply means understanding them and doing things that please and strengthen them. 


“For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” James 1:20 (KJV) 


Anger doesn’t work in relationships and trying to make your man will prove to be an effort in frustration.  Men will not change or be built up through criticism and complaints.  He needs to have his basic desires met through you his wife.  To get along and be happy you must understand your man.  Whether he is a child, husband, friend or brother all men are pretty much the same.  I know, I am one!  The needs of men are pretty much the same across the board.  There are some variations but three things emerge that all men desire.  You probably won’t guess them.  In fact why not try it right now.


Since there are certain things that build a man up, try to name a few things that he (your man) desires.  HINT: I’ll bet you are wrong on most of them.


Your Man Has Desires and Needs


Well, you have spent some time thinking about your answer, what did you come up with?  Let’s start out here with some recent studies and research that point to at least three things.  I am going to give them to you and then look at each of them individually.  Every man (for the most part) has the need to be respected, to be needed and to be fulfilled.  How many did you get right?  I hope all of them. But since someone else may not have a clue at this point I will discuss each of them in a little detail.  Hopefully this will help you get started in the right direction.  Before I start I need to make a note here. 


If your relationship is in turmoil right now, I want you to realize that what you have been doing may not be working.  Maybe you have been doing some things right but you have to come to terms with the fact that you may need to change some ways about you so that this relationship can be built up.  OK, having said that let’s get into the three things every man desires.  If he has these he will be a happy camper.  Without them he will not flourish and do well.


Every Man Needs To Be Respected


God made man as a leader.  For him to practice leadership he must have respect.  This is a fact because all men are insecure in their position of leadership when it comes to you his wife.  You can keep him from leading with disrespectful or cutting words or you can make him want to pull a freight train for you with words of sincere respect.  Giving respect to someone who may not deserve it right now is a hard job to say the least.  But it is the material for a great house that you can start to build today.  Doing this takes humility and submission to the truth of God’s Word. 


Freedom from relationship troubles comes from God.  He didn’t make us different so we would fight but he did it so we would compliment one another.  To be honest ladies you are intimidating.  You have abilities that we men don’t have and may never have.  You are a reservoir of thoughts and strengths that we look at and say “Wow”.  In our need to be respected, we tend to be defense and worried.  We may put up a wall lest we be put down and wounded.  Sincere respect on the other hand is like putting Nitrous Oxide into an average car.  It will simply go wild. 


The truth is ladies that you are much higher in his thoughts than you may think.  The problem may be that he isn’t getting respect.  Maybe he isn’t making enough money.  Maybe he isn’t working at all right now.  The list of shortcoming can be long.  He does however have some redeemable qualities and for these you need to give him respect.  I have listed some scriptures to help you in this situation.


“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephes. 5:22,24 (KJV)


“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Col. 3:18 (KJV) 


“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands…” 1 Peter 3:1 (KJV) 


Can you think of some ways you can show respect for your man?


Every Man Needs to be Needed


“Need me” is the secret desire of every man.  A well-done comment goes very far in building up your man.  When you rely on him it makes him feel needed.  He really wants to be your hero.  How can he do that when you criticize him?  You may be thinkng, “He never does anything around the house.”  Could it be that he may feel that he can never get it good enough for you and so “Why try”?  On the other hand if he is just plain lazy you may have another set of issues to deal with. 


We talk about our heroes.  We talk to others about the things they have done.  When you talk about his good side and he finds out what you have said it makes him feel great.  Why do you think men are competitive?  It is because they want to be the hero.  Why not make him your hero and talk about him to others in a positive light?  Give him the feeling that you really do need him and appreciate all that he does for you.  Be excited about his job, hobbies and other things and he will want to please you.


What can you do to show him that you need him?  List several things.


Every Man Needs to be Fulfilled


This is probably the simplest need of your man.  Since this is true, you can help him be the best he can be by doing what he cannot or is not good at doing himself.  You will build him up by making his favorite meals sometime when you know he is tired and hungry.  I have heard women say, “I’m not cooking for him!”.  The truth is they don’t understand or maybe care about his basic need.  The need to be fulfilled.  Another way to fulfill his basic needs is to keep neat, clean clothes and house for him. 


Men can be dirty and uncaring in this area.  Helping him will build him up and speak volumes about your feelings.  When it comes to your little man in the house, your son, keeping him clean will make him feel fulfilled and happy.  Clean clothes and a full stomach will make him feel that you really do love him.  When he is happy he will naturally want to make you happy.  Doing this can be the start of a great relationship. 


What kind of house do you desire?  A dirty shabby run down home or a beautiful home that is the envy of others?  You can have what you want through the truth of the word of God.  Gods’ word has the answer when it comes to happy, healthy relationships.  If you will seek him and the power of his Spirit you can become what he desires for your life.


“But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you…” Acts 1:8 (KJV) 


What can you do to make your man feel fulfilled and happy?




Building up is better than tearing down when it comes to your relationships.  Seek to see the good things in your man and brag on him.  Helping to fulfill his needs, giving him respect and making him feel like he is needed will go a long way to build up your man and you relationship at the same time.  Don’t forget to tell him about the study titled “Building Up The Lady in Your Life“!


Thanks for stopping by.  I hope this has been a help to you.  If you would like to speak to someone on this subject or if you have any questions please let us know and we will be happy to help in any way we can.  You can do this by clicking hereIf you know a friend that would be blessed by this lesson, let them know!  May God bless you!




Greg Wirths


Focus on Freedom


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  1. Angela says:

    I read and understood what you wrote, and it helped me to realize what i was doing wrong in this relationship. Thankyou so much for writing this. You have helped me, and I know that My Man and I are gonna be happier.
    Thnks Angela

  2. Nikki says:

    Thank you for this I will apply gods word and your teaching in my life when it comes to my husband. He loves me so much and I have been not so good at what he needs and desires out of a wife God led my to this site Thank you

    • gregwirths says:

      Thanks for the kind compliment. I pray you and your husband can draw closer together in the Lord Jesus Christ. I encourage you to sign up for the free newsletter it will help you stay in touch with the truth. Greg Wirths Focus on Freedom

  3. Kathy says:

    Wow! Amazing the simple things that are truly huge builders . This should be given on regular basis and yet we get caught up I’n the , “he’s a grown man, I’m not his mother”attitude! I’m glad I ran across this while searching for ways to build someone up becuz he builds me up and i want to return the behavior. Thank u!!!!

  4. Lorietta says:

    Thank you for this True article, so many times we get caught up with the cares of this world, the hustle and bustle of life that we forget to take time and look at the needs of one another. Stopping to take a moment to say “I love you, and great job”, or “What can I do to help”‘ Yes, this article puts us(me) back in touch with God’s plan for our marriage. Thanks again, Many Blessings!

    • gregwirths says:

      Thanks Lorietta I appreciate the kind words. God is great and greatly to be praised! He has the perfect way for eachof us. Pass the wor around to your friends.

  5. Greg Cassidy says:

    As a husband whose wife has made a dramatic transformation from control freak to a passionate, respectful wife, I cannot express the difference the change has made for both of us. She has been able to gain an unbelievable peace and love by letting go of a lot of things and letting me make the family decisions. Her love for me has given me the ability to grow by being able to make those decisions for our family and care for them that much more. Once she began building me up as a man, our marriage has never been the same.

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