Thanks for stopping by to go through this lesson.  So often we hear of those who want to tear down and destroy.  It seems that the news is full of destruction and wasting.  When it comes to your relationship with the female in your life whether he be a wife, friend, daughter or mother your lady has needs and wants to be built up not torn down.  As surprising as it may seem, her needs are pretty much universal.  When you understand what they are and how to build her up through them a great relationship will follow.  Oh yes, there is also a study titled “Building Up Your Man” that she might be interested in.  Having said that, let’s get started.


Your Lady


“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”  Ephes. 5:25 (KJV) 


Someone once depicted the difference between a man and a woman.  The woman was pictured as a panel with many dials, switches and buttons.  The man was shown as a panel with an off and on switch.  This is pretty much the way things are.  How can a man and woman live together and be happy when we are so far apart in our emotional and physical make up?  The answer of course will always take us back to the source of truth and freedom, the Word of God.  It is interesting to note that the command for the man is different than for the woman.  This is because God made women (wife, daughter, friend, co-worker) with different needs than men. 


If you desire a strong relationship with your female you must be willing to build the relationship.  Tearing down does no good.  The woman in your life has needs.  Mostly, the need to be built up, not torn down.  Most women are the same and so their needs are basically the same.  The responsibility to understand and use that knowledge to build them up rests on your shoulders sir.  If you are like most men, you definitely desire a strong relationship with that precious woman in your life.  So the stronger she is the stronger you will be.  The more you build her up, the more you will be building yourself up.  In fact the very strength and atmosphere of your home will be determined by this positive input.


What is your own personal definition of love?


Love is What You Need


“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”             Col. 3:19 (KJV) 


There it is again!  Loving your woman simply means giving yourself to meet her needs.  To understand love we could look at the opposite meaning.  It is spelled out in one word.  LUST.  Lust in its’ simplest definition is a desire to have.  It manifests itself through the words “I want”.  If lust doesn’t “get” then troubles gonna come.  To build your woman up, you must get rid of the thought, “I want”.  You must replace it with “What do you need?”  It is simple but much harder to put into practice.  However, if you can see the principle behind this and apply it, in time things will turn around and you might get what you want!  Bitterness and anger never produce a positive result over the long haul.  So quit using it as a means to get “What I want”.  Anger, bitterness and a host of other manipulating attitudes will fail.  One thing will never fail.


What is your definition of lust.  Use some examples.


One Thing Never Fails.


“Charity (LOVE) never faileth…” 1 Cor. 13:8 (KJV)


This is truly exciting.  You now have the truth that can set you free from a home of turmoil and trouble!  This is absolutely the way to success.  However, to put this into a practical application we must first know what she needs.  There are three basic needs, according to research, that every woman has.  If she gets them from a loving and caring man, she will be very happy and fulfilled.  Isn’t that what you ultimately want?  When she is happy everyone is happy.  As someone said one time “When momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”  Well, I wouldn’t say it that way but there is a way to make the queen of your home feel fulfilled and blessed.  I am going to test you here and ask you to list the three things that your wife etc. desires in her life.  Make a note, you will probably be wrong on all of them.  That’s OK because I will help you see the real answers.


What are the three things that your wife desires more than anything else?  No fair peeking ahead.


Her Needs


Well, let’s get right to it here fellas.  The three things she desires and needs the most are these.  Affection, honest open communication and commitment to the family.  See, I told you you were wrong.  That’s OK because I hope in this short study to help you to reach out for more understanding so that you can have a better your relationship with the woman in your life.  Let’s look at these.




Firstly, she desires affection.  Affection: Love, kind feelings, fondness.  Is it any coincidence that God has said in his word, the Bible, that the first thing we men should do is love her.  The first thing she wants to know is “Do you love me?”  She actually wants to know this every day.  You can show her in many ways and a heart of love will find creative ways to show love and affection.  They include touching, hugging, words that express how you feel or a sweet note for no reason.  It simply means giving to her without having to get something back in return.  Affection answers her most basic question “Do you love me?” 


In his book “Seven Things He’ll Never Tell You But You Need To Know” Dr. Kevin Leman gives a few comments from women who have told how they know their man loves them.  “When he tells me what a good mother I am.”  “When he takes out the trash on trash day without being asked.”  “When he cleans up the mess I made in the kitchen.”  “When he tells me I’m beautiful on days that I feel ugly.”  These are just a few examples but I’m sure you can get creative when you see the tremendous constructive power of love.  Whether it is your wife, daughter or friend, show them affection and you will find your relationship growing and blessing you in return.



Open and Honest Communication


Secondly, a woman has the need for open and honest communication.  For the sake of this lesson communication is the exchange of thoughts by conversation.  To a woman this means looking them in the eye and giving them the feeling that you are hearing what they are saying.  Sometimes what she is saying is more than just words.  It can include but is not limited to gestures, movements or facial expressions.  Think about this. 


Why does a man listen to his wife for 30 minutes and give back only a grunt in response and moments later go into a 30 minute conversation with a friend about the latest fishing pole, shotgun or rising stock?  The answer is of course; we communicate the things that are important to us.  Isn’t she more important than a fishing pole?  You bet she is and she wants to know that she is.  One important way you can develop honest, open communication is to practice becoming a good listener and talker. 


When you are disconnected it says something.  It usually says something like “I really don’t care or this is not important to me.”  When you are connected it speaks volumes of your true feelings.  Do you want to build up your relationship?  Start communicating effectively today and you will see the change for the positive soon.


Are you a good communicator with your wife?  If not how do you plan to change?


Commitment to Family


Thirdly, one of your wife’s needs is a feeling that you are committed to the family.  The way you treat her children is very important to her.  This is because a woman’s home is where she gets her identity.  This includes the physical house and her family.  When you are too busy to spend time with the family it really hurts her.  She can feel unimportant.  You may have the feeling at times that you don’t need to do anything for her because she already does it.  However, you can show her that you really care by doing it anyway just to show your commitment to her and her family. 


If there are some women here reading this I would like to give you a note.  Ladies, nagging will not work to get him motivated.  An effective method is loves’ way, praising him when he does something around the house.  You see the difference?  Nagging says, “I want” – praising says, “I love you.”  Two ways, with two outcomes.  Men you need to work hard on this one.  I know you’re tired and hungry when you get home.  You just want to wind down from the day. 


OK, after you have done that (not all night) help her and show her that you care for her house and family.  Do it because of love.  Your daughter needs you.  Your wife needs you, so be there for them without asking for anything in return, put everything else on hold and time will show the truth you have found in the Word of God.  You will find yourself happier than you have ever been.


Get creative and list some things that you can do to show her that you are committed to her home and family.


I’m Not Sure I can do This.


The truth is you can’t love without the true love that comes from God. 


“And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Romans 5:5 (KJV) 


When Gods’ Spirit was poured out on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2 power was given to the followers of Jesus.  That same power is available today.  When the Spirit of the Lord comes into a person, HIS power for positive change comes with it.  He puts love where there was hatred.  He brings peace where once there was turmoil?  If you desire peace and love in your home through the power of God I would encourage you to go to the study “The Baptism of the Holy Ghost” for a better understanding of what God has available for you and your family.


Can you see yourself having a great relationship with your wife, etc.?  Are there some areas that you could change to make things better?




Thanks for stopping by.  I trust that this lesson has been a blessing to you. If you have any questions concerning your relationship or ladies if you snuck in and read this lesson, you can ask questions too.  We will be happy to help any way we can.  If you would like to contact someone in your area we would be happy to give you a way to contact them.  You can do this by clicking here.  Oh and don’t forget the study titled “Building Up Your Man.”  If you know a friend that would be blessed from this lesson tell them about it!  Thanks again!




Greg Wirths


Focus on Freedom


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